The Unexpected Reality of Paying for Parents’ Care
By Jessica Solomon
For over two decades, I’ve had the profound experience of speaking with adult children who are often in complete shock when they realize the complexities of coordinating care for their aging parents and, more crucially, how to pay for it. I’ve interacted with thousands of families, each with unique circumstances, yet there was a recurring theme that emerged in many conversations.
A common scenario would unfold like this: an elderly parent is hospitalized, and upon discharge, the family is informed that the parent is not in a physical or cognitive condition to return home without ongoing custodial support. This support, which often requires private payment, is a revelation that catches many families unprepared and heartbroken.
One reaction I encountered frequently was from concerned and loving adult children who wanted the best care for their parents. They were committed to ensuring a high level of care and continuity for the rest of their parents’ lives. However, their determination was often met with the harsh reality of the associated costs. Many times, the conversation would turn to finances, where the adult child would express that there simply wasn’t enough money to cover these expenses.
A particular moment in these discussions stands out: when I asked about the parents’ home. Often, the home was paid for, representing a significant asset. I would suggest that the equity in the home could be used to fund their care plan. The reaction was almost always one of disbelief and resistance. “Oh no, my parent promised me their home,” was a common refrain. It became clear that many parents made these promises long before considering that the home might be their only option to ensure safety and comfort in their later years.
This resistance is more common than one might think. Adult children are often perplexed and frustrated that the government does not automatically cover their parents’ care costs. To explain, I would draw a parallel with a familiar life event: having a baby. When a baby is born, society expects the parents to take the baby home, care for, feed, dress, and soothe the baby. There is no government intervention to assist with these basic caregiving tasks. The same principle applies to caring for aging parents. The responsibility primarily falls on the family.
These conversations have been eye-opening and, at times, heartbreaking. They reveal a significant gap in understanding and preparedness for the financial aspects of aging and caregiving. It underscores the need for greater awareness and planning for the inevitable challenges that come with caring for elderly parents. Without adequate preparation, the emotional and financial strain can be overwhelming for families already dealing with the complexities of their loved ones’ health needs.
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